The Six Things I Can't Live Without, According To My Okcupid Profile:

- An awkward mix-tape from the 90's that we can't play because who has a tape deck anymore?

- The cool, refreshing taste of Diet Pepsi.

- Bread and milk, in case we get snowed in.

- The Thong Song.

- A giant cat that tells riddles.

- That weird gemstone that has my soul in it.

Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith . . . The Official Drinking Game Rules

Warning: Don't actually play this drinking game. You will die. Your friends will die. Padme Amidala will die.

DRINK . . .

- Whenever there are heroes on both sides of what appears to be a fairly black and white conflict.

- Whenever the fun begins.

- Whenever Anakin spins around in a star fighter, because spinning is a good trick.

- Whenever a missile is deployed that doesn't blow up but instead contains weird gremlin droids.

- Whenever a droid groans in pain.

- Whenever you wonder about the kind of engineer who would create a combat droid capable of feeling pain.

- Whenever a droid says 'Uh Oh.'

- Whenever a droid chews out another droid for laying down on the job.

- Whenever Chancellor Palpatine, while watching a lightsaber duel, makes a weird 'YEH!' vocalization.

- Whenever someone loses a limb.

- Whenever someone is decapitated.

- Whenever someone requests a minute to ponder how something happened, citing the party's relative intelligence versus being surrounded by a ray shield.

- Whenever you remember how awesome Grevious was in the Tartakovsky Clone Wars cartoon, and are disappointed that his voice is now dumb and that he appears to need a lozenge.

- Whenever a droid gets insulted when a lightsaber is grabbed out its hands without its permission.

- Whenever a droid runs away from a battle, waving their arms in a comical 'I'm running away' manner.

- Whenever our heroes manage to kill everyone working in air traffic control but still consider it a win.

- Whenever what happens on Cato Nemoidia, stays on Cato Nemoidia.

- Whenever it seems like General Grevious doesn't really know who he's taking orders from, or what his faction's overarching strategy is.

- Whenever love makes someone more attractive / blinds someone.

- Whenever someone completely misses a report on the Outer Rim sieges.

- Whenever the Jedi Council does something that disappoints Anakin and he telegraphs it so obviously that it begins to make sense that the Jedi also can't seem to figure out that Palpatine is secretly evil.

- Whenever Obi-Wan says, "The council is asking you," and for a brief moment you are transported to a movie with better writing in it.

- Whenever you wonder if Anakin is going to bring up his negative views on sand again.

- Whenever there's an intergalactic ballet of some kind going on.

- Whenever you find out that George Lucas referred to it as 'Squid Lake.'

- Whenever Palpatine implies that Darth Plagueis may have created Anakin with both a line delivery and a knowing look, but then the concept is never brought up ever again. Ever.

- Whenever Anakin / Obi-Wan has to remind the audience that they're totally best friends and it would sooo sad if something happened to that friendship by the end of the movie.

- Whenever one of your friends briefly mistakes a Wookie for Chewbacca, and then sees said Wookie get blown up, leading to the commentary: "Chewie? . . . NOOO!" Okay, this one is a bit specific.

- Whenever a Republic star fighter is allowed to land on a planet controlled by the Confederacy of Independent Systems instead of immediately being blown out of the sky.

- Whenever General Grevious apparently thinks its a good idea to let Obi-Wan meet with a local who immediately gives away where they are 'hiding.'

- Whenever there's a weird lizard-bird mount.

- Whenever it seems like you'll get to see an awesome fight against a guy with four arms each wielding a lightsaber but then you remember that this movie is bad.

- Whenever Palpatine flips from his normal sounding voice to his "I'm clearly a bad guy" voice.

- Whenever there's a battle between a Jedi on a lizard-bird and a cyborg piloting a weaponized  hamster wheel.

- Whenever shooting someone in the gut with a blaster is described as uncivilized as compared to wielding a laser sword that can cut through just about anything.

- Whenever you retroactively wonder why more droids aren't wielding those poles that can deflect lightsabers.

- Whenever someone IS the Senate.

- Whenever you wonder why the Jedi Council sent the B-Team with Mace Windu in order to bring Palpatine in.

- Whenever someone blasts someone else with force lightning, throwing them out of a window to their deaths, and then they make a satisfied noise, as if they had just had a cool, refreshing sip of lemonade.

- Whenever Anakin is apparently receptive to extreme leaps in logic, going from 'needless killing is wrong' to 'I will personally lead an attack to kill every last Jedi, including children' in about the space of ten minutes.

- Whenever someone utters the phrase 'Execute Order Sixty-Six.'

- Whenever it's time for Jimmy Smits to leave.

- Whenever Darth Vader continues to follow up on Palpatine's 'Everybody Dies' plan.

- Whenever liberty dies with thunderous applause.

- Whenever you wonder how Nute Gunray ALMOST managed to live through all three of the Prequel films.

- Whenever a scene makes you wonder if maybe there should have been an actual love triangle between Obi-Wan, Padme, and Anakin.

- Whenever a lightsaber battle goes on for way too long.

- Whenever The Emperor starts literally throwing the seat(s) of democracy at Yoda.

- Whenever a lightsaber battle goes on for way too long.

- Whenever you wonder why Yoda and Obi-Wan didn't try to take out Palpatine together before dealing with Anakin.

- Whenever a lightsaber battle goes on for way too long.

- Whenever someone commits themselves to exile for failing to kill a guy instead of, you know, trying again later.

- Whenever a lightsaber battle goes on for way too long.

- Whenever someone has the high ground.

- Whenever you realize that Anakin is trying to do what Obi-Wan basically did all the way back in The Phantom Menace vs. Darth Maul, and that time IT WORKED.

- Whenever Obi-Wan decides to leave a former friend to horrifically burn to death rather than mercy kill him.

- Whenever someone's will to live flatlines.

- Whenever you hear James Earl Jones say the name 'Padme' and it makes you cringe.

- NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

- Whenever someone is buried or cremated or eaten by Gungans or whatever it is they do with the dead on Naboo all while wearing a japor snippet.

- Whenever constructing a Death Star apparently takes at least sixteen to eighteen years, depending on how old you think Luke and Leia are in A New Hope.

- Whenever someone decides to hide both themselves and a baby on the home planet of the person they are hiding from, while also not changing their last name, or the baby's. Also, they leave the baby with the step-brother of said person they are hiding the baby from.

Star Wars: Episode II - The Attack of the Clones . . . The Official Drinking Game Rules

The saga (of drinking) continues. There are fewer rules, but don't be fooled: Drinks lead to inebriation. Inebriation leads to hangovers. Hangovers . . . lead to suffering. May your liver and kidneys be with you.

DRINK . . .

- Whenever anything could be reasonably construed as a mystery.

- Whenever Padme changes into a new outfit.

- Whenever Obi-Wan delivers a snarky comeback.

- Whenever Anakin delivers a creepy/awkward pick-up line. This rule alone could get you pretty buzzed.

- Whenever anyone loses their lightsaber.

- Whenever someone loses a limb.

- Whenever someone (or something) literally loses their head.

- Whenever an alien's dialogue has to be subtitled.

- Whenever the word "clone" or "cloners" is used.

- Whenever a genuine father-son moment makes you wish this film was about the Fett family.

- Whenever there's a shock wave in space that sounds like someone grinding on an electric guitar.

- Whenever someone wishes they could wish away their feelings . . . but they can't.

- Whenever a giant monster with claws as long as your arm somehow manages to tear off the clothing covering a woman's midriff without eviscerating her.

- Whenever there's a truly godawful pun.

- Whenever you find yourself feeling nostalgic for Episode I.

Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace . . . The Official Drinking Game Rules

The following are the official rules of my own Phantom Menace drinking game. Please note that, if followed to the letter, these rules will inebriate you. Please drink as responsibly as you can while playing an irresponsible drinking game. And stay in school. Because knowledge is power.

DRINK . . .

- Whenever an alien is introduced that is clearly based on a broad racial stereotype.

- Whenever actor Ian McDiarmid appears as a hologram.

- Whenever a battle droid says "roger roger."

- Whenever Queen Amidala changes into a new outfit.

- Whenever Captain Panaka says something cynical.

- Whenever scatological humor makes you wonder if this is really a Star Wars film.

- Whenever Ric Olie (the pilot of the Queen's ship) delivers exposition.

- Whenever Qui-Gon Jinn demonstrates poor phone etiquette by hanging up on Obi-Wan without saying goodbye.

- Whenever Anakin says something that no real human being would ever actually say. "Yipee!" is a good example.

- Whenever you suspect that something might be going on between Shmi Skywalker and Qui-Gon Jinn.

- Whenever the word "midichlorians" is used.

- Whenever the terms of an incredibly confusing wager are changed.

- Whenever a pod racer is disqualified, killed, or knocked out of the race.

- Whenever Obi-Wan or Darth Maul do something genuinely impressive.

- Whenever someone gets cut in half and falls down a seemingly endless shaft.

- Whenever there's an awkward moment of pseudo-romance between a teenage girl and a nine year-old boy.

- Whenever you lose the will to live.