Tired of hiding wrinkles behind old-fashioned creams and ointments?
Fed up with half-measures regarding your own impending mortality? Hi! I’m Tina,
speaking to you today about an amazing new product from RenewYou, by
BlackCastle. Every day, strangers walk up to me on the street and ask questions
like, “Your skin is so clear, how do you have such a natural glow?” “Have you
seen that weird basalt fortress on the hill?” and “Where is my family and what
have you done with them? What have you done with their bodies?”
The answer to all of those questions is: Yes! Now, you too
can recapture the bloom of youth without spending a fortune, and you can do it
all now for the low, low, price of $9.99 per week, as well as slowly carting cadavers
up to a growing citadel of darkness that most sane people would rather ignore than
admit existed. It’s just that easy! But, hey, don’t take our word for it, just
listen to our customers:
“RenewYou made me
feel like a twenty-year-old again!”
- Sarah, 56
“What century are
these pure silver coins from, and why do they burn to the touch?”
- Catherine, 61
“I used to worry
about my T-Zone, but now I wake up every day feeling confident that I’m looking
great and don’t have to worry about Vanessa from accounting any more, and oh
god, oh god, I can still remember her screams.”
- Julie, 46
Act now, and you’ll receive two “Forever Young” coffee mugs,
an attractive emerald-eyed serpent pendant, a RenewYou tote-bag, and a sliver
of the left arm of Skindancer, one of the ten dread sorcerers whose final
remains lie buried somewhere beneath the ruins of the drowned city of Mu.
Ask your doctor today if RenewYou is right for you! (Offer
not available where prohibited.)
