the sound of a skipping record

dear martha
everything is gross
but you want to know something funny?
(maybe this is funny
maybe not
you be the judge)
the other day i had a box of orange juice
and pretended it was very hot
like a potato
hot orange juice! i yelled
as i tossed it from hand to hand
it fell and i picked it up
saying that it was still good
it's still alive
we'll make those points back
good hustle team
then some girl asked me
what are you on?
but the answer is nothing
which i guess no one finds interesting
even you
martha
this is sickening to write
i wish you really knew what i thought
martha martha martha
i want to write your name a hundred times
and each time
what am i really saying
but please
are we not entitled?
a short story by me
the end

A Night In Winter

lying on the carpet
where everything is right
she rolls over giggling
not like a child
she is too dangerous
fingers grip the bristles of the floor
her hair is the color of desperation
that dies young
but is hard to forget
like an old wound
before a storm
and i can still see
that moonlit face
and the wind
whispering
i know
i know

The Persistence of Mercury

clouds
someone says they look like horses
another says cats
you see fire
and it is burning your people
the crops have all been ruined
your father scrapes one of the burnt roots with his old knife
underneath the root is still alive
he gives it to you
says it will grow
forgets you were never a farmer
you ask him to show you how
father laughs
he can't do it either
still doesn't know what he wants to be when he grows up
but all those years
he never had time to talk to you
you have more reason to hate him than anyone
what do you want me to do?
he asks
die
you whisper under your breath
diiie
but not loud enough for him to hear
like there's a pane of glass standing between you
is that glass bullet proof?

Medusa

wasn't liked as a child
not on the playground
or in the classroom
she always cried
walked home alone
a book bag over one shoulder
just a late bloomer
they said
but didn't really mean it

she met a boy once
who called her up
and told her she was ugly
that her hair was nappy
later
she cried listening to the dial tone

unable to sleep
body wrapped in sheets
like a corpse
she tore with her nails
all of them dull from being bitten short
at her face
at her hair

when she was older
she left town
moved east
she lived there for a while
collected little porcelain figurines
animals and men
until the house was full of them
but the more she got
the more empty the place seemed

finally a man did show up
the first person really interested in her
for who she really was
she almost cried tears of joy
when she suddenly saw
that he would not look her in the eyes
before she could speak
he cut off her head

no one missed her much

Lucky Kitty

one night i went to see my old friend
who went to cornell
cornell is a university which contains people who are smarter than me
when people ask me where i go to school
i tell them i go to ithaca
but they always ask
(for confirmation)
if i go to cornell
oh, cornell?
they say
no
i say
i am too stupid to go there

i was driving
because i was driving i couldnít crawl into a corner
into a little ball
a little ball is what i am when i want to think about what i am doing with my life
instead
i just kept driving over these bridges which were made out of steel
bridges are things you burn behind you
they didn't catch fire, though

my old friend is short
but he has a beard now
which he wears because he says people told him he looked like a frog
he is trying to avoid that
my old friend also has a napoleon complex
a napoleon complex is when you want to take over europe because you are short
which is not to say that he wants to take over europe
although i wouldn't rule that out either
that is a joke

my old friend lives in what looks like a castle from the outside
hard and crunchy
on the inside it is soft
with a creamy filling
i walk in and almost immediately somebody asks me if i am going to the roman orgy tonight
a roman orgy is when people eat grapes off of each other
someone else has their arm around me saying
please come
and these are the residence advisors
i say
followed by a cheap rimshot from the backup band
audience laughs
i vamp for awhile
there are people in togas eating grapes off of each other just down the hall
then my friend is there
telling people about how i am funny
in fact
i am the funniest man alive
tell us some funny stories
dave
instead
though
my muscles tighten involuntarily
egged on by the crowd, i start dancing the charleston
this is called entertaining
entertaining is what happens when a man
asked for a funny story
starts dancing the charleston

by the end of the night i am tired of games
particularly monopoly
monopoly is when someone owns everything
and makes everyone live in green houses and red hotels
i just want to twist and bend until i am splayed like a spider
and then scuttle away under the furniture
instead
my old friend sprays his girlfriend's perfume on me
perfume is something people wear to get lucky
i do not feel too lucky
finally he delivers a closing monologue
tells a few jokes about the president
good night everybody

when i get back home someone asks me what i have been doing all night
getting lucky
i say
they sniff the air and then smile and nod at me
later
in bed
i curl up into a little ball and sleep like a kitten
a kitten is a small little animal that sleeps in a ball

Carib

the travel guide in the caribbean
reminds you that these islands were once
someone else's
they're dead now
even the cannibals
and in a way
everyone dies in the caribbean
if they stay too long
if not
why does everyone look so old
beyond themselves
except for the pale imperialists
who visit once or twice a year
to sit under the canopies
of their tiled roofs
drinking gin
looking down at the channel
boats gliding past the old plantations
where they killed
the slaves

bees, bees everywhere, but not a glass to drink

you ever been stung by a bee?
i was once
i cried and cried
all the way home
and ran into the house to find my dad
he was in the tub
but i guess i came in too quickly
because
he was just standing up
in the bath
naked

i turned away
to give him time to cover up
only to discover that the bees had followed me
they swarmed into the room
and went straight for dad.
that's when I noticed that it was just
a naked mannequin in the bath tub
smeared with honey
the closet door burst open
and my real dad ran out
with a lawn mower in his hands
he thrust it at the cloud of bees and
as we both watched
they were all shredded into a gooey pulp

that
my son
he said gravely
is the problem with this town
too many damn bees

They Shoot Trojans, Don't They?

they shoot trojans, don't they?
are horses pretty?
just how big is forty cubits?
why are those little candy bars called fun size?
what's that thing on your neck?
is that cigar sometimes just a cigar?
did freud just have a really hot mom?
is that a pair of pliers in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
i killed my wife, is that wrong?
why can't i go outside?
where have all the cowboys gone?
and where's my only cigarette?
if pain is so close to pleasure, why don't i ever enjoy it?
did that pizza make you feel sick?
does anyone have a chance in hell?
can you punch your way out of prison?
why is it called the "venus" fly trap?
is war just man's business?
is paris burning?