Octopussy

Though widely considered to be amongst the "worst" Bond films, I frankly find 1983's Octopussy to be- it's groan-worthy title aside- far and away the best of the Roger Moore era entries.

Moore was, and still is, the man who has starred in the most Bond films, outranking even Sean Connery with his record of seven films in a row. Moore's films were marked by a more light-hearted approach to the character, and he portrayed Bond as a sly playboy who always seemed to have the right gadget (or car) for the job. He still did his fair share of hand-to-hand combat throughout the series, but in general he was a less gritty Bond than his predecessors, and was often considered "clownish" by critics.

Octopussy seems to directly address this issue in two ways. First, it takes a more "back to basics" approach than some of the previous films, focusing more on fisticuffs and gunplay than gadgetry. The climactic train and airplane fight sequences are impressive to say the least, but also fun is the fight sequence in which one of the henchman is wielding an improbable yo-yo saw blade.

Secondly, the film embraces the tongue in cheek nature of the Roger Moore era with a sly wink, making no apologies for moments such as when Bond is swinging on a vine and the Tarzan yell is played over the action, or when Indian tennis player Vijay Amritraj (playing an MI6 agent named . . . Vijay) finds himself fighting a goon with a tennis racket. It also cleverly subverts the humor when the most serious moments of the film (the opening chase scene through a dark forest, and a frantic attempt to stop a nuclear weapon from going off) revolve around men wearing clown costumes- in the second case, it's Bond himself in the makeup and goofy clothes, and yet the suspense in both sequences is very real.

The plot too has the advantage of being remarkably believable given the film's quirks: a Russian general plans to force nuclear disarmament by detonating a atomic bomb on a U.S. airbase, an act that will likely be perceived as a nuclear accident rather than a terrorist act. His henchmen are a highly organized smuggling organization that utilizes a circus as a front for their activities, and so the planned detonation has the added horror of killing hundreds of innocent children to boot.

Maud Adams, in her second Bond film (she previously played Bond's love interest in The Man with the Golden Gun), is a perfect foil of Roger Moore's Bond- unlike many of Moore's previous lovers, Ms. Adams holds her own, and the two make sense as a couple. It's also nice to let her be in a position of power rather than just the bad guy's main squeeze. Speaking of the bad guy, Louis Jordan's Kamal Khan is a delightful mix of Count Zaroff from the Most Dangerous Game and the kind of guy you expect to be touting fine wines on television. Ah, the French.

Octopussy, like any Bond film, has some flaws- perhaps the greatest being that the plot is in many ways similar to that of Goldfinger, right down to the mostly silent bodyguard crushing a set of loaded dice in his palm (much harder, I would assume, than crushing a golf ball.) It also has Bond acting at his most juvenile at points (exhibit A: Bond zooming a camera in and out of a woman's ample decolletage- c'mon Bond, what are you, in fifth grade?) and certainly the film isn't going to be winning any awards for a realistic depiction of India (between this film and Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, I gained a healthy aversion to Indian food that lasted until I actually saw what it was really like.) And yet it's easy to forgive these imperfections for the simple fact that in comparison to most of Moore's other entries, this one is a lot of fun to watch.

Seriously, if you only watch one Roger Moore film, make it Octopussy. You won't regret it.

So where do Roger Moore's other flims stack up?

2: Moonraker. This is a hilariously campy film, with Bond in spaaaaaace, Richard Kiel's Jaws character falling in love with a pig-tailed blonde girl, and a CIA agent actually named Dr. Holly Goodhead. But, you know what? Much like Diamonds Are Forever, Moonraker is actually a fairly entertaining entry in the series (I've always enjoyed the fight in the Venetian glass museum) and there's enough legitimate tension and menace to make it extremely watchable- I mean, a girl gets hunted down and killed by a pack of dogs. Dark enough for you?

3: For Your Eyes Only. Though somewhat pedestrian, For Your Eyes Only pulls in the reins on the cartoonish aspects of the Bond franchise (extremely necessary after Moonraker), and presents a straight up spy vs. spy scenario, with Russian and British agents duking it out for a nuclear submarine tracking system, and a Greek smuggler and a vengeful woman caught up in the proceedings. The film does suffer from the extremely late seventies early eighties vibe it projects, I mean, has there ever been an uglier Bond car? I was actually kind of relieved when it blew up.

4: The Man with the Golden Gun. Bond faces a dark reflection of himself in the form of the sinister assassin Francisco Scaramanga, who is played by the grimly charming Christopher Lee. The plot is hampered by a weak plot to control, wait for it, SOLAR POWER (DUN DUN DUN), but there's enough deftly handled sequences to maintain legitimate suspense- Scaramanga's funhouse is a lot of, um, fun. And let's not forget Herve Villechaize's turn as the henchman Nick Nack. Nice to see him doing something besides yelling "Dee plane, dee plane!"

5: Live and Let Die. This film does have a very good boat chase, the very sexy Jane Seymour, and an impressive stunt in which Bond (actually a stuntman) runs over the backs of LIVE alligators- for real, watch the making-of for the out takes- but really, that's about it. The fact that just about every person of African descent is an agent of the villain is cringe inducing, though I have to hand it to Geoffrey Holder (the man who portrays Baron Samedi,) he's pretty fascinating to watch.

6: A View to a Kill. Moore. Was. Too. Old. There's not much else to say, though it has some plusses- Christopher Walken's the villain ("James Bond . . . fell . . . into a bucket of cream . . .") and Grace Jones has a turn as his memorable henchman. But seriously, there's a fistfight in the middle of the film where Bond's opponents are aged up to make Moore look more spry (one of them has a really bad wig) and it's just . . . bad. Even Moore himself later regretted doing this film due to his age. At least he's realistic!

7: The Spy Who Loved Me. So one thing that surprised me when I was looking at other people's rankings of the Bond films is how often this one is touted as "the best" of the Moore era films. Um, guys? It's clearly, by far, the worst. Why? It's boring, that's why. Why is it boring? Well, for one thing it's pretty much an unimaginative remake of You Only Live Twice, only replace space capsules with submarines. Secondly, for most of the movie there is only ONE henchman that Bond is contending with: Richard Kiel as Jaws. It gets old after their second encounter. It also could have benefitted from a more legitimately antagonistic relationship between Bond and his Russian counterpart, agent Triple X (sigh), and I just didn't buy their romance. And, in the end, it all comes down to Bond shooting the villain. Did I mention that there's way too much Bond vs. Jaws in this film? I did? Good.

Tune in next time for Timothy Dalton!