Middle Earth 911

Dispatcher: 911. What is the nature the nature of your emergency?

Caller: They have taken the bridge . . . and the second hall . . .

Dispatcher: Excuse me?

Caller: We have barred the gates- but cannot hold them for long.

Dispatcher: Alright, sir, where are you calling from?

Caller: The ground shakes . . . drums in the deep . . . We cannot get out . . .

Dispatcher: Sir, are you trapped somewhere? Are you hurt? Has there been an earthquake?

Caller: A shadow moves in the dark.

Dispatcher: Sir, are you currently intoxicated?

Caller: We cannot get out . . .

Dispatcher: Are there other people there with you, sir?

Caller: They are coming.

Dispatcher: Who is coming? Sir? Sir? Hello?

(there is some sort of commotion on the other end of the line)

Caller: Fool of a Took! Throw yourself in next time and rid us of your stupidity!

Dispatcher: Sir, has someone been injured? Hello? Is anyone there?

Voice In the Background: Mr Frodo!

Dispatcher: Sir? Is that a member of your party?

Voice In the Background: Orcs!

Voice In the Background: Get back! Stay close to Gandalf!

Dispatcher: Sir, are you in any danger? Sir?

Voice In the Background: They have a cave troll!

Dispatcher: Alright, sir, we're ready to contact a deputy to send to your location- but I'm going to have to ask for-

Voice In Background: Let them come! There is one Dwarf in Moria that still draws breath!

(Line Goes Dead)

A patrol car was later sent to the Kazad-Dum, but despite obvious signs of a altercation between an adventuring band and a local gang of orcs, no signs of the caller or his companions has yet surfaced.